


The Other One

by Quarto



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: AU, F/M, Gen, Originally Posted on Tumblr, The romantic ships are really incidental, Vignettes, what am I even doing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 15:06:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16221602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quarto/pseuds/Quarto
Summary: That one time Sherlock was looking for a flatmate and found one in an unassuming small blonde recently-retired sharpshooter.





	The Other One

A Study in Pink

Stamford patted at his pockets absently.

“Sorry,” he said, “Left it in my office.”

“Here,” the woman said, reaching into her handbag and handing over a flip phone, “You can use mine.”

Sherlock looked down at the phone, and back up at the woman, narrowing his eyes.

_Noticed and marked every exit within ten seconds of entering the room._

_Bakes own bread_

_Carrying a mobile in her pocket but just handed me a completely separate yet fully-charged unused inexpensive_

_(burner)_

_phone that she was carrying at the same moment._

_Only child._

_Apparent density of handbag unusually high as if (tantalizingly) containing large caliber handgun._

_Recently ended relationship._

_~~I like her.~~ _

“You’ll do,” he announced, trolling Lestrade expertly even with the handicap of a T9 keyboard.

“Do what?” the woman asked as he handed her phone back to her.

“As a flatmate, obviously, Stamford knows I’m looking for one and wouldn’t have bought you along otherwise.  I play the violin, and sometimes don’t talk for days, but otherwise am entirely unobjectionable in shared living quarters.  You?”

Mary smiled, “Oh, no, I’m practically perfect in _every_  way.”

* * *

 

The Blind Banker

“’Oh, dinner and a movie is  _dull,_  Mary, why not take him out someplace  _really_  interesting?’   _You dick_ ,” Mary hissed under her breath, a wide fake smile all  _over_  her face, “All I wanted was  _one_  evening out.”

“That limp of his is psychosomatic, incidentally,” Sherlock said, glancing around the crowd queuing for the Yellow Dragon circus.

Mary hung on to her smile, barely.

“Really not the kind of limp we girls care about, Sherlock.”

Sherlock’s face curdled up like a basset hound but he kept on.

“I’m simply saying that if you absolutely must dip your pen into the office ink then it might behoove you to pick someone more mentally sound.”

Mary pinched her flatmate’s arm.

“The office is apparently now the  _only_ place where I can be free of Captain Cockblock, and  _everybody_ knows that men with deep emotional problems are the best shags!”

A loud gong sounded to announce the start of the show and they both looked up to see her date for the evening standing nearby.

“Saved by the gong,” John remarked mildly, “Ready to head in?

* * *

The Great Game

“Sherlock,” Mary sighed, “You put a ton of product in  _your_  hair, and I’m quite sure  _you_ aren’t gay.”

Though even as she said it, she realized it was a miscalculation.  Everyone already assumed she and Sherlock were an item, and now Molly looked even more hurt. All Mary had meant was that she and Sherlock shared living quarters, bathroom crammed with hair product and all, and that all evidence suggested he was an asexual who would someday reproduce by discharging his spores into the air or water.

“As I would know,” Mary continued, “Being a big old lesbian and everything.”

Sherlock glared at her.

“She’s not,” he corrected, “Mary is dating a tedious doctor whose sole virtue is that he _is_  male.  Much like your  _Jim,_ who is  _quite_ gay based on his hair product tinted lashes club scene underwear taurine cream and the fact that he _just_ tried to get me to take his number-“

Sherlock brandished a card which it turned out Jim had tucked under a dissection tray.

“So I would suggest, Molly, that you call it off now and save yourself the pain.”

Molly stared at Sherlock, and then turned on her heel and fled the room.

Mary blinked at her friend.

“Wow.”

“What?” Sherlock spat.

“What was all that about? Why are you being so mean about Molly’s boyfriend?”

Sherlock sneered down his nose at her and said, “I am simply tired of otherwise intelligent women,  _Mary_ , wasting their time-“

“Fibbing, Sherlock. You don’t like John taking my attention and time away from you, but  _never_ minded about my having a love life when you don’t need me at the moment.  So since Molly’s your colleague and will continue to be so even if she does start- oooh.  Oh Sherlock."

Mary grinned widely, and cooed, "The posh boy fancies the pathologist.  That’s adorable.”

“Would you care to turn your wildly inaccurate deductive skills to these shoes, Mary?”

Though even in the dim of the lab Mary did not miss the faint redness at the tips of his ears.  So maybe not an asexual after all.  It was always nice when you learned something new about the people in your life.

**Author's Note:**

> I shamelessly stole this idea from violsva's wonderful ficlet posted here: http://violsva.tumblr.com/post/121450336898/sherlock-is-sitting-in-the-back-of-an-ambulance


End file.
